Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
