I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
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