Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
