When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
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