thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
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That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
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How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
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