I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Randomize
