i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
