I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
