Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
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He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
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There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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