It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
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