AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Randomize
