This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
