He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
