I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
