She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
i was born a porn star she said
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
