i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
It was confusing and full of hummus
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Randomize
