Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
