you turned your livingroom into a bong?
the day after is always just damage control
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
