Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Randomize
