dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
