apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
