No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
