if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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