either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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