i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Less talking, more tequila
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
