if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
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