All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
