I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
