Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
