just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Randomize
