life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
