At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
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smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
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Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.