I wanna eat
then eat your cupcake
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry