He is like the real live version of the state fair..
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
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Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I need moral support for this bender
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
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So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Come share oat with me in your robe
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.