the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
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Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
19 Worst Song Lyrics of All Time
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf