oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
