just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
