Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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