A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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