I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
