Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
