She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
i came on her dog
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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