Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
