I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
You have to summon your inner elephant
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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