Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
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For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
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Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
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