I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
