I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
