I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
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