The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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