no, he came in my armpit
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
