I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
