And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
well most of my day revolves around power hour
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
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