finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
