if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
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