You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Randomize
