dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Randomize
