Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
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