mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
