Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
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