Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
