It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
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