Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
