I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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