i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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