a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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