I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Randomize
