So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
