based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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