We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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