I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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