I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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