I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
organizing the empties. That sober.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
