So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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