I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
