I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Randomize
