dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Randomize
