Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Randomize
