You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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