We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
