i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Randomize
